Expecting. That’s really a very good word for it. There is this future event, the birth of our child, that we are waiting expectantly for, all the while trusting, hoping, believing that it will actually happen.
There was a day, not long ago when Sara woke up, and something was different. Everything was the same really, but something was different. Just different enough to cause her to pull that little pee stick out of it’s foil package and endure the several minute wait for the result.
Then, the result. That second, very faint little line told us that our lives would never be the same.
All the signs of pregnancy started to show up; morning sickness, tiredness, aversion to foods she’s always loved, and cravings for other foods. It was clear that this was actually happening, and it also felt so uncertain. Tenuous. Vague. For me, as the non pregnant one, those first several weeks were a strange experience of knowing that something was true, and yet not having any real reason or evidence to believe it was true at the same time.
I remember several weeks ago reading a portion of What to Expect When You’re Expecting, the go-to first book purchase for anybody expecting a baby, describing what was going on inside my wife during that particular week of pregnancy. In the middle of reading about our baby’s developing eyes and heart and ears, I had this very distinct feeling of unbelief, certainty, and wonder all at once. An expectant hope that what I was reading about was really true. The only evidence I had that this child was real and that there would be an imminent birth day were the words in this book, and watching the experiences Sara was having.
Last Tuesday, that changed.
At our second prenatal appointment, we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time! As the midwife spread that jelly on Sara’s stomach and began to move that handheld device around in search of our baby, I realized that I was about to have my first direct experience of our child. After what seemed like an hour, but was really about 30 seconds, the first little rapid whooshing sounds started coming out of that little speaker, and all Sara and I could do was laugh at how amazing, strange, and incredible it was.
It was the first time that I had real confirmation that a baby was growing in there.
I still have to trust, and hope, and believe that this is real and will happen. But now I’ve been given a glimpse. I recorded it so I can listen to my little baby anytime doubt creeps up for me.
Check it out:
This whole experience has me dwelling on the experience of faith that is described in Scripture:
Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.
What about you? What experiences have you had that help you to understand faith and hope?